Closet Raid
by figlia di Atena
Summary: When Edward goes out hunting, Bella, Alice, and Rosalie decide to see what Edward is hiding in his closet.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello my fellow Twilighters! This is eamc06 back with yet another story! : I am not completely sure if this is going to be a one-shot or if it is going to be longer so you will just have to wait and see! Anyway… ONWARD!**

I was sitting on the couch, watching the television, something I rarely do. It is summer break and it is too hot to go outside. Sigh. Edward was out hunting with Emmett, Jasper, and Esme and I was bored. Sigh. Suddenly, an idea hit me. I turned off the T.V and got my keys. In a matter of minutes, I was driving down the familiar road to the Cullen house. I was singing along to the radio and was so caught up in the minute that I accidentally missed the turn to their house, causing me to make a U-turn. When I pulled into their driveway, I saw a bouncy Alice waiting for me. As soon as I parked the car and got out she was dragging me into the house.

"Okay, so I was messing around with wedding plans when you idea hit me! This going to be so much fun! I have always wanted to go into Edward's closet but he would never let me. He says that he is afraid that I am going to 'rummage through his stuff and replace everything with new clothes', like I would do that! But with you here, he wouldn't get mad!" Alice ranted on.

My idea was to go through Edward's closet and see if he kept any of his clothes that he used to wear in the fifties or the twenties. I was sort of excited to see what Edward wore way before I had ever met him. As we walked down the hallway, Rosalie stuck her head out of her room.

"Did I hear you guys say that you were going to go look through Edward's closet?" she asked.

"Heck yes we are! It is going to be so much fun!" Alice exclaimed.

"Awesome! Can I join you?" Rosalie asked.

"Of course you can," I told her trying anything to get her to like me more.

"Thanks," she said with a smile. Wow, that was unexpected! When we reached Edward's bedroom door, we all paused.

"I feel like we should knock," I said.

"Me too," Alice agreed.

"Come on guys! He's not here! We watched him leave yesterday and they went all the way to Canada. He's not home," Rosalie said before opening the door. When we walked in it smelled exactly like him and I immediately missed him. It was then that I realized that, I too, have never been in his closet before. That triggered a whole new feeling of excitement.

"You know what? I am very excited," I randomly said as we walked towards the closet.

"Me too," Alice and Rosalie said at the same time. Then, we all stared laughing. When we got it under control we stood in front of his closet door.

"You guys ready?" I asked and without waiting for an answer I pulled open the door.

**Sorry it was so short! I decided that it will have more chapters. I will most likely update tonight so make sure you look for it! **

**Reviews are very nice! wink wink**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay… I am soooooooo sorry about the delay in updating lately.**

**Don't hate me too much! Anyway…ON WITH THE SOTRY!**

I stood in the doorway looking at probably the biggest closet EVER! It was about fifty times my closet, no lie. I even think that he had Alice beat.

"Wow, I think he has me beat," Alice said as if she read my mind. There were two racks running all the way around the closet, an upper rack and a lower rack. It looked as if there were wooden shelves, at least two meters wide, separating the racks at evened spaced intervals. On the upper rack, it looked like all of his shirts, and on the lower rack, it looked like all his pants. On all of the shelves, were shoes. There were lights that looked as if he were showcasing his wardrobe. What you could see of the walls, were a tan-like color.

"Is it possible for one man to have so many clothes?" I wondered aloud.

"I don't know. How come we never knew that he had so many clothes?" asked Rosalie.

"And shoes," Alice added.

"I have no idea but, come to think of it, I don't think I have ever seen Edward repeat an outfit," I said.

"I have," Alice said.

"I haven't but I never really pay attention to what he is wearing," Rosalie said, obviously.

"That's because you are too busy looking at yourself," teased Alice and Rosalie shrugged. I started to look through the beginning of his closet. There, I recognized some shirts that I have seen him wear. The whole closet smelled like him. life is so unfair! Between the top and bottom rack I noticed a long narrow drawer. When I opened it, it revealed rows of sunglasses. I picked up a pair and put them on and looked in the mirror that was so conveniently placed right by the sunglass drawer. I didn't look to bad in them but I didn't think that they were the right ones. I kept trying on sunglasses until I found a pair. I kept them on and continued on down the rows of clothes. I passed T-shirts and nicer shirts but what caught my attention were the sweatshirts. There were sweatshirts that were all different colors. I picked out the most comfortable looking one and slid it on over my outfit and continued down. Just when I thought I was doing a good job of walking without sustaining any injuries, I kicked a box on the floor, which caught my foot and hit the floor.

"Hello floor, so we meet again," I muttered before sitting upright.

"Are you okay Bella?" asked Alice form across the closet.

"Yes," I replied. I was curious as to what I tripped on so I slid over to the box and opened it. In it were pictures. Tons of pictures. On top, there was a picture of me. I was wearing my trusty sweatpants and one of his sweatshirts. It was then that I realized that I still had that sweatshirt. I wonder why he hasn't asked for it back yet, oh well, I am not complaining. After sifting through a few of the pictures on the top, I decided that it would be way more fun to look at them with him so I put the lid back on the box, got up off the floor, and kept going down the row.

"Oh my God! Bella, come here, now," Alice called.

"Okay." As I approached Alice, I could see her holding something colorful behind her back and Rosalie cracking up beside her. "What?"

"I think I found what Edward wore in the eighties," she said, stifling laughter. What she pulled out from behind her back was probably the ugliest item of clothing that I have ever had the disgrace of laying my eyes on. It was probably about 25 different colors. It was short-sleeved, button down and ugly!

"Oh my goodness, I have got to get him to model that for me," I managed to gasp between fits of laughter.

"Do you think he wore that shirt with these?" asked Rosalie, pulling out a pair of bright purple, bell bottom pants from off the rack.

"If he did, I would strangle him to death, if it were even possible. That is a fashion sin!" Alice exclaimed.

"What would he wear on his feet? These?" I said, showing them a pair of neon yellow pair of bowling shoes. That caused us all to laugh even harder, if that were even possible.

"Oh, you guys, I have to pee. I will be right back," I said as I made my way to the bathroom. When I was done taking care of my business, I re-entered the closet.

"Oh Bella, we found an outfit that we thought you might want to see. You might actually reconsider marrying Edward after you see this one." Rosalie said while trying not to laugh.

What she pulled out from behind her back was the most horrific outfit I have ever seen.

**Sorry it was some-what short but this chapter made me really excited about this story. I love trying to come up with outfits from other decades. It is really fun. Now what kind of author would I be if I didn't share the fun with all of you lovely readers? Send me a review or a message or something with what you think would be an outfit that is totally not Edward but would be funny to see him in, preferably from another decade like the fifties or the seventies or something. You will get credit. (:**

**Any who… review review review and tell me what you think, what you like, what you hate, or if you just want to talk. Enough of me. See you next chapter!!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello everyone. I wanted to thank everyone that reviewed and gave me ideas on what to dress Edward in. they were totally hilarious! I have to be honest, when I started this story I didn't think that this many people were going to be so in to it. There are a lot of people saying how much they love it and how funny it is and I just write stuff that I think is funny so I am glad that my lovely reviewers have a good sense of humor. :**

**Any who… on with Edward's closet!!**

_What she pulled out from behind her back was the most horrific outfit I have ever seen._

"Oh. My. God. Did he actually wear that!" I asked, amazed that Edward would wear something as hideous as that.

"Unfortunately, I think he did," Alice managed to get out through her laughter. She was holding up a one piece pajama set. It was like the onesies that babies wear but about twenty times bigger. They were more known as 'footie pj's'. They were big and fleece and navy blue with teddy bears all over them. It had a long zipper down the front that went from the crotch to the neck line.

"And look, it gets better!" Rosalie exclaimed. "It even has a matching blankie." She was holding up a rather large sized blanket. She put it around her head like a bonnet and cried 'mommy, mommy'. I couldn't hold it in any longer and erupted in laughter.

"Geez Bella, keep it down. Edward might hear you from here your so loud," Alice said while getting caught up in her own laughter.

"Come on guys lets see what else we can find," I said. I walked along the racks of clothes once more scanning every article of clothing. That's when I found it.

"Girls! I found something," I called.

"Okay! What is it?" Alice asked. I pulled it off the rack and put it behind my back.

"Ready?" I asked and they both nodded. I pulled the full disco outfit from behind my back. It was white leather and interesting to put it nicely. There was glitter around the seams and a collar just like Elvis's. The pants were super tight at the top and flared out majorly at the bottom. That wasn't even the best part. The disco boots, which were white platforms, were connected to the bottom of the pants. Connected!

"Crap that's ugly. I can't even believe that people thought that that was cute back then. I remember when Emmett wore one of those but its Emmett. You would expect it from him, not Edward!" Rosalie ranted.

"Alright let's get back to work," Alice said. I continued to look among the clothes when I found something else.

"Got it!"

"Got it!"

"Got it!" we all said at the same time.

"Okay here's what we will do," Alice said, taking charge "I will show mine then Bella will show hers the Rosalie will show hers."

"Sounds like a plan," Rosalie said.

**Hope you liked it. Once again, sorry it took like a month to update but today I am going to update all my stories because it took so long. Reviews would be nice and you can still tell me outfits if you would like. I still need more ideas!**

**REVIEW!**


	4. Chapter 4

**okay, talk about taking forever. sorry i havent updated it a long time. i hope you enjoy!**

"Okay Alice, you first."

"Heh, okay…" and when she pulled it out I almost barfed. It was a nasty baby food carrot orange blazer with a black shirt underneath that had sparkly silver polka dots. The pants were a turquoise blue and had red stripes of different thicknesses. At the hemline of the pants was red feather boa type stuff. It was just plain ugly.

"Oh my god." Rosalie whispered.

"I know. It is so ugly!" Even though it was hideous, we couldn't look away.

"Girls, focus! I want to see yours!" Alice said snapping her fingers in front of both of our faces. I shook my head to clear my thoughts.

"Okay me next!" I said. I was excited because I knew that they were going to love just how raunchy it was. It was small, only one article of clothing. I pulled it out from behind my back and I heard them each suck in a breath before they erupted in laughter. It was a hot pink, cheetah printed loin cloth.

"EW!"

"GROSS!" they screamed. That just made me laugh harder.

"Hey Bella," Rosalie whispered. "Maybe if you're lucky he'll model that one for you!"

"Ew Rose!" Alice screeched. She just laughed.

"Okay okay. Rosalie, let's see yours." I said, trying to get the attention off of me.

She slowly pulled it from behind her back and held it high above her head. It was a skin tight bat man suit. The long pleather fabric was so small it looked like I would be able to fit in it. The long sleeves were connected at the wrists to the bat wings so when he lifted his arms, the wings would show. It even had a helmet attached to the neck which had little pointy bat ears.

"UGH! That is the most pleather I think I've seen in my lifetime!" Alice exclaimed. "And do you know what the worst part is? I think I remember when he wore this! It was at the Halloween party we had a couple years back."

"Alice, if I remember correctly, you picked this out for him," Rosalie smirked.

"AH! I did, didn't I? Oh my god! I think I have pictures of it too!" she said jumping up and down and clapping her hands together.

"NO WAY! I have to see these." I said. The opportunity was too much to pass up.

We all returned the outfits to their proper places and continued our search. I was passing another rack of sweatshirts (how many does one man need) and noticed they were all from different colleges. Hm. I'll have to come back to these.

"Girls, I'm afraid I see them coming home soon. In about a half an hour maybe," Alice's face fell a tiny bit. "Of course right when it gets fun."

"Well we still have some time left. Come on! Lets keep looking!" I ordered.

"No way!" Rosalie called. "Girls! He has moon shoes!"

Moon shoes? I turned around and saw Rose bouncing up and down like a little kid with these purple and green boxes on her feet. She stopped jumping and I got a better look. They had what looked like the bottom of a shoe that you stood on and strapped to your foot and were connected with rubber bands to a frame so you could easily bounce. (. **here's a link if you don't know what I'm talking about **) To put it lightly, they were awesome.

"Ooo, let me try!" Alice squealed.

"Okay," she said, taking them off and handing them to Alice.

"Me next!" I piped up.

We spent at least twenty minutes bouncing and laughing and in my case, falling. We didn't stop until Alice gasped.

"Oh man, they are early. They'll be here in five minutes and look at this place!"

I looked around. It was trashed.

"Hurry! Let's put everything back!" I yelled. We scurried around like mad women till everything looked normal. We fled downstairs and popped in a movie, fast forwarding it to the middle. As soon as we were all situated, I heard them come into the house.

"Bella?" Edward called.

**i think this story is going to end in a chapter or two. it was never meant to be too long. please review. i love to hear from everyone.**


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